new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
