guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
