So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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