Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
