is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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