You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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