I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize