Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
