smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
