Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
As shirtless as possible
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He better not be in your backpack
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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