I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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