btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
