oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
