textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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