well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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