Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
