I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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