if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
