a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
