I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
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the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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