Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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