Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sorry about my life...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
