someone get that fucking seahorse.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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