im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
