Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
