he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
