I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
