I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
