She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
