Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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