Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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