hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
