remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
