Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
