I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
