i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
