Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
