Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
