I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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