It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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