I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
