How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
