I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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