hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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