woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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