i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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