wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
