You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
