It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
