I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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