I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
