i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You can't motorboat a personality
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
And then my night got REAL pukey
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
