so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
literally had 100 drinks last night.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
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you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
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I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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