That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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