I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
