respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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