From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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