I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize