He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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