when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Randomize
