he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
even my farts smell like vagina
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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