Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Mom said you looked used
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
