I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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