I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
