I've blown a few things in my day
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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