Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
