i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
