I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
