You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
