we should wear snuggies to the strip club
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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