The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
