its not stalking. its research.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
